M. Reluctantly twenty-two. Occasionally drunk, sometimes disorderly, usually confused and increasingly incoherent.
julian assange: “there is unity in the oppression; there must be unity in the reponse”

ourcatastrophe:

oh please

you know what a really effective way is to divide the left?

rape women

like, that is a fairly divisive thing to do, no? 

if assange actually gave a shit about having a unified left he would accept the consequences of his actions and pass on the Wikileaks torch to a less grotesque human rather than transforming his political group into Rape Apologism, The Legal Fund

see also: Why Misogynists Make Great Informants: How Gender Violence on the Left Enables State Violence in Radical Movements at INCITE! blog

[manifestations of rape culture, talk of violence]

so, last night.

Read More

When we write Facebook statuses or tweets or make comments about how we’re disappointed in Rihanna, about how she’s thoughtless or weak or somehow personally sabotaging The Feminist Cause by reuniting with Chris Brown, even professionally, we’re letting all the people in our life know that if they’re victims or survivors of abuse we’ll judge them for their choices. We will think them weak for staying in an abusive relationship or for reuniting with a once-abusive partner. We are letting them know that once they are abused, that’s all they are in our eyes. They are no longer a complex person with many feelings, motivations, desires, fears and considerations; now, they are just a poster child for How To Be an Abuse Survivor. And if they don’t live up to that prescriptive paragon of performative womanly strength — particularly compulsory for women of color — they’ve somehow failed. They’ve not only failed themselves, but us, their friends and family and the rest of the world and any young people who look up to them.

Elise Nagy, “Bruises and Birthday Cake: What We Talk About When We Talk About Rihanna and Chris Brown”, In Our Words (via trenchantashell)

But we shouldn’t also talk to these people about why they are returning to this abusive relationship, especially if it’s a repetitive thing?

I’ve had friends, and even my mother, return to bad relationsips where they were treated badly. As far as I know they weren’t physically abused but they were made to feel like they weren’t worth their partners effort to find a job or that they weren’t enough for that person not to cheat and yet they continued to return that relationship, even when they had previously admitted that person was horrible.

Shouldn’t we be letting these people know they are better than this and there is someone out there who respects them for who they are and doesn’t treat them bad?

(via amykate28)

I’m having difficulty articulating my thoughts at the moment, so please forgive me some incoherence. This is as best as I can do:

As far as I know, there isn’t anything to suggest that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back in a relationship, just collaborating on the one song. But either way, it isn’t anyone’s business to criticise Rihanna for allowing him back into her life. To do so does not help her, or any other survivor of abuse (sexual, physical or mental/emotional). 

When we criticize or shame a survivor for coping with their abuse in whatever way they choose, what do we hope to achieve? Are we scolding them for being weak? We ought to know by now that being abused does not necessarily make one weak (nor does it make them strong, for that matter, although some people may find strength in dealing with abuse. There is no one universal Abuse Survival narrative). Do we think that we can shame victims out of being in abusive relationships? To critisize them for being abused is to say that the abuse is their fault, that it was their responsibility to not be abused, rather than their abuser’s responsibility to not abuse them.

And the part where we’re basically telling them, “you shouldn’t let people abuse you, control your behaviour, shame you, or try to humiliate you… but you should listen to us and let us shame you out of your ‘bad’ behaviour” — it reads like abuse. It might come out of good intentions, it might be ‘for [the victim’s] own good’ but it’s the same sort of controlling behaviour abusers use to control their victims. We can’t force people to abandon whatever reasons they have to staying in an abusive relationship or staying in contact with their abuser; that is a decision they need to make for themselves, and we need to respect them and their autonomy, whether we understand the choices they make or not.

—trenchantashell

When we write Facebook statuses or tweets or make comments about how we’re disappointed in Rihanna, about how she’s thoughtless or weak or somehow personally sabotaging The Feminist Cause by reuniting with Chris Brown, even professionally, we’re letting all the people in our life know that if they’re victims or survivors of abuse we’ll judge them for their choices. We will think them weak for staying in an abusive relationship or for reuniting with a once-abusive partner. We are letting them know that once they are abused, that’s all they are in our eyes. They are no longer a complex person with many feelings, motivations, desires, fears and considerations; now, they are just a poster child for How To Be an Abuse Survivor. And if they don’t live up to that prescriptive paragon of performative womanly strength — particularly compulsory for women of color — they’ve somehow failed. They’ve not only failed themselves, but us, their friends and family and the rest of the world and any young people who look up to them.

nirvananews:

“Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth. And it happens every few minutes, the problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.” - Kurt Cobain.

[Trigger warning: Rape culture] One thing I’ve always noticed is how the lists of tips read like weather advisory tips. Like a rapist is not a human being but an uncontrollable force of nature, so there’s no point in attempting to teach different behavior. The idea that a person is supposed to somehow manage to avoid all potential rape situations (and just rebuild if zie couldn’t manage to avoid them all) without looking at the perpetrator’s behavior has always seemed really wrong to me.